


in my eyes

by leechansmile



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentioned SEVENTEEN Ensemble, Pining, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leechansmile/pseuds/leechansmile
Summary: chan never expected falling in love will feel this way.or where chan is in love; probably with the wrong person.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Chan | Dino, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Kudos: 49





	in my eyes

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo!!! another prompt that got stuck in my head cause chancheol best boys also cause i'm lowkey stressed so i just do this...
> 
> but ENJOY!!!

_chan fell in love._

and chan never expected it to be like this, well half of it. as he still felt the warmth and happiness inside of him as he sees the person he's in love with, _choi seungcheol._

and chan knew it would happen, that one day his heart would decide that _'oops! you're in love with him'_ and just mess him all up because ever since he first laid his eyes on the older lad he knew his heart felt a different beat, one that had never been explored and the young naive chan was excited.

he felt giddy and restless, his heart knew that seungcheol had placed himself in there and no one could erase him, no one could do that and it seems like chan's heart also didn't want that.

but he was still scared, he was young and new to this, he didn't know why his heart felt like this about the older lad, and as stupid as it sounds he never plans to confess.

_“but one day you need to admit it to him chan, you can't just keep it to yourself.”_

chan should've listened to his hyung, he should've listened to the pained and pitiful sounding voice of jun as he explains to chan, he should've had listened to the looks of soonyoung and minghao who both looked like they agreed to what the oldest out of them said, _he knew he should've listened._

but how can he?

_“chan, i think i like seungcheol...”_

the look on his hyung's face, the look of being helpless and confuse but at the same time looked like happiness will fly through his eyes, the look that kept chan away from doing just what jun said because he can't be that selfish.

his jeonghan hyung deserved it, he was nice and caring, always there for the members and chan knew they both deserve one another, _they were a perfect match_ , and who was chan to deny that from them.

so he just watched, and he saw how jeonghan fell in love with seungcheol, he saw as the stars in the older's eyes grew brighter as days go by and chan saw it all.

and chan hates himself for feeling like this, he hates how a side of him has given up, ready to sacrifice the love he grew for the oldest for someone else to have, because he knew to himself _(or at that point, told himself, forced himself)_ that seungcheol would be happier with the other.

but he also hates that there's also a side of himself that wants to be selfish, because who was he to decide who seungcheol would be happier with? he wants to be selfish, he wants to say what he feels but again he sees the helpless look in his other hyung's eyes and he knew that it was better to stick with what he had already decided.

_“jeonghan told me something today...”_

chan remembers entering the dorm empty, with only seungcheol on the couch watching tv, and for a second chan again wanted to be selfish but was stopped with a few words

 _“...he told me he likes me”_ chan wanted to cry and scream, he wanted to throw a tantrum and tell seungcheol that he loved him first but _he smiled, he smiled like nothing's wrong._

and it was a mistake, he should've had told him right then and there, the look on seungcheol's face made him want to tell him every single bit of his emotions, the look of caring, the look that chan fell for.

 _“_ what did you say hyung?”

“i haven't said anything, i told him as gently as i can that i needed time to think and he agreed... i'll tell him the answer tonight.”

there was time, chan realized, there was always time, chan just hadn't seen it until it was running out and he wanted to break the time and stop the ticking of the clock and place it back before he knew to himself that it was too late but chan was stupid, too dumb and he hated every second of it.

“well what do you plan to say? what do you feel about hyung?” chan just likes to hurt himself in every single way and it's amazing how he didn't burst out crying right then and there.

“jeonghan is beautiful, inside and out, and of course i'm attracted but i don't know if it's good to date right now, we're at our peak and maybe dating will lead to something bad”

 _patience,_ the look of waiting, it was right there but the words couldn't come up, like they were stuck and chan didn't do anything to fix it. _(it's all a lie, everything was at the tip of his tongue the entire time but he was too afraid and that was his mistake.)_

“you should go ahead hyung, if it makes you happy i don't think it would hurt anyone–” _except chan's heart_ _, it's in pain._ “and we're here to support both of you! we're right here.” _i'm right here._

chan felt his heart crack, as he watches seungcheol smile at him, with a face chan couldn't describe and he feels everything hurting but weirdly enough it made him feel numb _(seungcheol was waiting, waiting for a reaction, but neither knew that, not even seungcheol himself.)_

but chan was broken, he wanted to pick up the pieces and make the older glue them back up but he knew he couldn't, he was too late, the sun was down and he knew it was over, and he needed to let go.

so he ran. he ran to the only place where he knew he can forget, he can forget about the pain in his heart, a place where he can be broken without anyone noticing.

the lights of the practice room was more blinding as before as he dances his heart out, the music playing over the sad melody of his heart as tears well up to his eyes.

 _why can't you be mine?_ the lights became more harder for chan as the tears made his vision blurry, he saw the shape of himself on the mirror and he knew the broken pieces of his heart wanted to be picked up.

the music stopped, _11:00,_ time had passed by and chan only noticed now, he stares at his reflection and wipes away his tears and yet he still looked in pain, and no medicine can save him from this.

so chan stood up, wanting the warmth of his bed to cover him up, cover up the fact that the warmth of seungcheol is the one that he needed, but sadly couldn't get.

so he opens the door of the room and leaves, only to notice that the light of the other staircase leading to the rooftop was open and chan was stupid enough to think it was good to look at what was there and as he opens the door to the highest ground his already broken heart fell over again.

wrapped around each other's arms, looking happy as ever, was the two oldest and chan once again broke, as he feels his legs become weaker.

he checks his phone. messages from his hyungs pop up and random notifications too as he looks at the time.

_11:11_

and chan leaves, he left the building with his heart ripped apart, his eyes red from crying and body tired from everything, he felt numb but at the same time he wished he didn't.

it was as bad as he came home to the pitiful eyes of some of his hyungs, the knowing glances they throw at each other knowing the state of the youngest, and it pained chan, because he knows that they know, but they also couldn't do anything to fix it.

and it was all chan's mistakes, he owns up to it, he was the cause of his own pain, he tries to not be selfish but broke his heart as he does it.

_but he did felt good at some way_

especially when his jeonghan hyung rocked him happily as he tells chan what happened that night without knowing what it did for the younger,,, but chan still felt happy seeing his hyung's smile, bright as ever and it made chan realize that he was okay.

but seeing the oldest still pained him one bit, as he looks happy and chan knew to himself that he wouldn't be over this for awhile.

but who was he kidding, he doesn't even know if he'll ever be over this.

and as he looks over at the two looking happy, he realized maybe he was right, that they were perfect for each other, and seungcheol would be happier with jeonghan.

the smile on the older's face that made him fall in love and swoon was bright as always and chan was still in pain.

and he rethinks to his own words, when he first talked to seungcheol after that night.

_“congrats hyung, i'm happy for you.”_

maybe he actually is happy for them, to see both people he love being happy together, even if seungcheol's warm embrace wasn't his to feel and he wasn't the reason for the stars in his eyes nor his bright smile.

but as long as his smile is there, 

> he'll be satisfied.

_(and maybe he'll finally believe his own lies.)_


End file.
